Standing in the book shop feeling a little disappointed at the selection and even more disheartened because I was only here after the Library had proved even more of a let down, I picked up a paper back from the ‘traveling section’. Leafing through the book whose title had something to do with Pomegranate seeds or something equally as vague, I read a few lines from somewhere near the middle. It’s common knowledge that writers make a huge effort to attract people with the opening of their book so I always look to the middle to get a real gauge of just how good a read it is! Think I’ll catch a bad writer while their sleeping! The brief paragraph I read was alright, nothing special but also not completely inane. As I picked up another book and gave that a quick peruse, something inside of me became the teeniest bit alive. These books, I thought, they aren’t a million miles away from my blog. And more to the point my style was definitely better than the first book I’d picked up. At that moment I caught myself in the mildest of confident moments and quickly doused the flickers deep within my writing pride.
You see I have this idea. An idea that just maybe my blog could eventually be turned into something more than an insignificant website drowned in the depths of the oceanic internet. That maybe this could be my first attempt at convincing a publisher that I’m a ‘newbie’ who might be worth taking a chance on. But it is a very small idea, perhaps only a dream. And it isn’t often that I have a positive thought on it either! In fact I’m not at all convinced I’m any kind of a writer at all. Now this is not a plea for praise or good comments, it is a simple fact that probably won’t ever change. Even if I was privileged enough for someone to take notice one day and see myself on a shelf in, dare I say it, Waterstones (of course and independent store would mean much more but they are sadly rare these days) I still don’t think I would have any more confidence in my ability. I know this because it has happened before elsewhere. Not many people will know, because I don’t talk of it, but I once passed my Grade 8 certificate on the flute. Even after achieving the highest grade I still wasn’t sure I was really any good.
I always want to be better than I am, at anything! I have an unsatisfiable obsession with comparing myself to others and never settling until I have made it to the top. But where is the top? I’m not so sure there is one. But it is this that constantly pushes me on, pushes me to continue to write, to continue to dream.
Leaving the book shop without a book, a real accomplishment for me, I made my way through the shops to a nice quiet corner, a coffee and a think. Well not a think so much as a reassessment of my current situation. Here I am on the other side of the world, working, living and creating stories that will probably one day be told to my children (what a thought!). But it is the strangest feeling to know that the places I am seeing, others back home might never. For example, speaking to Mum and Dad about where I am and realising they may never come here, that they don’t know everything I do anymore. I must be grown up if that is the case! Although the thought is less comforting than ‘I know everything you could possibly think of Amy,’ but I am no longer five! But if I look at in another way at least I don’t have to say swear words in my head anymore and play the game ‘I bet Mummy doesn’t know this one’!
Touring America was slightly different. It was a fast paced race from East to West and we lived a visitors life style. But here I have constructed some semblance of a ‘normal life.’ I have a job, I ride the same buses nearly everyday, I have a local town I visit several times a week, I know the local shop keeper, I know most of the bus drivers on the 466 route, I know the 466 is always most never on time, I have a favourite reading spot and I know the best supermarket to go to for great deals! And yet this isn’t my home. I am suspended in a time that is disconnected with my ‘real life’, like I have entered an alternate reality. I keep expecting to wake up back in England and for this New Zealand life to be only another fictitious story I like to tell myself sometimes. I don’t think it helps either that the seasons are upside down. The months mean nothing to me and somewhere in my body the balance is off. My brain can’t compute. This really is a different world and home is static until I return.
* * *
Last weekend Ollie and I took a couple of trips. Now he has a car that is kind of his everything is made easier. On Sunday I woke up to an itinerary all planned out for me; a lovely surprise! We made our way north, past Auckland, further up the East coast. It was a warm day that felt like Spring as we sped (well I say sped but the limit here is about 60Kmph!) past lush greens and twinkling blue ocean. The first stop on Ollie’s ‘tour’ was a cheese and yoghurt factory in Puhoi. The little building was unassuming and yet packed with afternoon visitors. As we walked into the little shed like cafe and shop the smell immediately hit us. An intoxicating aroma of rich cheeses and freshly baked goods. My kind of smell! Peering through the windows at large wheels of cheese, my stomach begged me to smash through and get eating. Deciding it would be terrible not to buy some of the smell, Ollie agreed we could take three different types home. We had already chosen the cheeses we thought we would like when the woman, Joanne, offered us a taste test. Of course we both said a salivating yes.
As each small piece of cheese made its way into my mouth I tried my best to act maturely and not squeal too loudly with delight. ‘Watch out for this one, it is quite strong tasting’ warned Joanne as she passed us a red rinded brie (Unfortunately the actual name is not in my head at the moment) that stank it’s way around my tongue. Wow! ‘The stinkier the better’ I said, immediately revealing my immaturity. I saw Ollie blush in embarrassment, ‘Why does she have to say that sort of thing’ is undoubtedly what he was thinking. Having tried all the cheeses, which were all delicious, we had a big decision to make. Which ones to take home? Our original choices had now been plunged into uncertainty and with a very clever sales enhancer from Joanne, ‘Why don’t you decide over a coffee from our cafe’ we blindly obliged. But it was good coffee! Naturally I had a chocolate brownie too!
Back at the counter we queued up to buy our 600g worth of cheeses, a brie, a blue cheese and a 7 year old mature cheddar. As we waited Ollie recited over and over the correct pronunciation of the Brie. Joanne served us and as she wrapped up our pieces said,
‘Aren’t you a little young to like smelly cheeses?’
To which I replied, ‘Well when I was little my Granddad would often pop different bits of cheese into my mouth and say ‘Go on Amy, now what do you think of this?’ so I established an elevated palate from a young age!’
‘Where do you live?’ was Joanne’s next question. We explained that we lived in Manurewa and that I worked in Papakura at McDonalds. Her reply was that if I was working there, work must have been hard to find! She said it was a shame we didn’t live closer because she would of had me working in the cheese store. And then to both mine and Ollie’s astonishment she proceeded to give us her mobile number and told us to come and work for her at a ski resort further south and that usually they gave interviews but that we should phone in June and tell them she said to hire us right away! Had we really made such a great impression whilst simply buying cheese?! If nothing else it was certainly a compliment!
Next Ollie spied a honey shop just further down the road. We pulled in to take a look. There we were able to see a queen bee and all her workers on a honey comb and learnt all sorts of facts that I never knew I wanted to know about the process of making honey! Ollie was able to purchase a piece of honey comb which he was delighted about because he’s always saying how he loves it! As he was paying the girl behind the counter recommended trying the honeycomb on a cracker with blue cheese. And she was right. It is delicious!
It was the middle of the afternoon when Ollie and I were driving, through some wine country, past a small town called Matakana and decided to stop for lunch. Sitting by the river at a slightly posh bistro I sipped my glass of sparkling rose and, unusually for me, felt at peace. Our food was tasty and I enjoyed the calm while Ollie got over excited because he thought he spotted a big rat on the other side of the bank! For the rest of the afternoon we drove around visiting various little beaches and taking windy roads that led to nowhere in particular. It was just great really to be seeing a bit more of New Zealand and its often astounding beauty.
* * *
Monday was ‘Auckland anniversary day’ and so as neither of us had any work and it was looking like a hot day, we decided to head back to Piha beach that we had visited a couple of weeks before with Charlotte, Nigel and Skye. The beach is notorious for it’s humungous waves and insanely strong rips. It is even the location of a popular TV documentary series over here called ‘Piha Rescue’. The sand is black and in the sun gets so boiling hot that it is unbearable to walk on. The lifeguards are always on the look out and the space where you can actually swim is marked by two flags that are very close together. This results in swimmers and body boarders often getting in each other's way!
As it was a little cloudy when we arrived, Ollie and I decided to climb ‘Lion Rock’ which separates North and South Piha beach. It has significance to the Maori people, I think something to do with a battle took place there although I feel bad because I can’t remember exactly what the sign said! Half way up the rock a group of children where rehearsing what seemed to be different Hukas, led by a young woman. It was totally awesome to be looking out over the sea from such a striking rock with the amazing sound of the children in the background. I love random moments combining like that.
The sea was a nice temperature and although the waves weren’t huge to begin with, Ollie and I were having fun. We were in the blue for a good hour and during that time the waves picked up and became almighty! Now Ollie was fine, he could hold his own against the raging water, but me? Well I was like a limp feather in tsunami! If I didn’t jump at the right time I was a gonner! I would get swept along towards shore for meters at a time. Unable to push back I would helplessly wave at Ollie who was suddenly far off in the distance! And that was the dignified result of the waves. What happened far more commonly was that I would get pulled under, lose my footing, lose my bikini bottoms, burst out of my top and swallow mouthfuls of water. Eventually when I came to the surface I would have a runny nose streaming into my mouth, stinging eyes and a horrific expression on my face...which Ollie told me to try and control because I looked ridiculous! It was such good fun though that I didn’t care! O.k so I did care that I was pulling moonies at people but it was worth my dignity!
At one point though I did get scared. I had taken a bashing from a massive wave and had gone to stand up out of the water not realising it was still too deep. My head didn’t come out of the water and I had gasped, taking in a lot of salty sea. When I did finally emerge the first thing I saw was Ollie swimming purposefully and at a pace towards me. He saw me and exclaimed ‘Oh my gosh I thought you were in trouble!’ I then realised he had been doing a ‘life guard’ swim and I couldn’t help laughing. Secretly I was very pleased I had such a strong swimmer for a husband! I then realised that another man was standing nearby and he had also stopped to make sure I was o.k. On another occasion I had pushed down on my leg because I thought I was deeper than I was and my knee popped back the wrong way. The pain was horrific and for a moment I thought I had broken my leg. I couldn’t walk and was limping desperately through the water. Ollie made sure I was O.k. but did plead with me to look a little less ‘needy’ as he didn’t want the lifeguards to spot me! Clearly I am a total hazard in the water!
Feeling exhausted from the battering waves I returned to what I do best, sun bathing! It was now a boiling afternoon and a couple of hours lazing about was the perfect way to end the day. Ollie even lay down too which is so unlike him! He didn’t last long though and returned to the sea for one last swim, that he could enjoy, this time without his special wife...
3/2/12
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